last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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