Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
