My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
