susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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