By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
