Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I could make wine with my vomit
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
