I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
