i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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