I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I love how my cats smell like pot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
