Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
