I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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