Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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