i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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