My room smells like vodka and shame
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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