I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize