I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
