Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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