I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
