quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
