your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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