help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
