So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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