Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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