Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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