Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
