Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
