So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
