Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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