pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
