If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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