I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize