he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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