wat bout pragnant strippers??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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