Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
