i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
