In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
