i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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