Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
