Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
