I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
