Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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