Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
