I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
