I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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