Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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