im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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