careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
