Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
