no, he came in my armpit
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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