Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
