if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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