The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Boobs are out for the taking
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
