apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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