Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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