Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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