I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
