It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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