thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
