well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
