South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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