a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and she was petting her beer can
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I love having hate sex.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
