where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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