It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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