Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
should my penis look like a turkey
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
