i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
