Moan for me like Helen Keller
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
