U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
